Carrie

My head is throbbing and my back is sore, but what's important is that last night my friend Carrie died.
I met Carrie in the Alaska Children's Choir when we were 10. We were in the same social group in junior high and high school, and although we weren't close I considered her my friend. She was by turns irritating and insightful, and always brilliant and compassionate, and she had the most amazing singing voice you'll never hear.
Almost exactly a year ago, Carrie went to the ER because she was numb on half of her body. They found tumors on her brain, and they tried to remove them, but they didn't get all of it out. She went to Seattle for radiation, and she stayed there until they said she was about to die. I'd been afraid and avoiding visiting, but I drove up and caught her just as she was about to get on the plane to go back to Alaska. She looked awful. I'm not sure she even recognized me. I gave her a hug, and her wheelchair went through security, and I thought that was the last time I'd ever see her.
She went home and went on a crash juice diet, and her tumor started to shrink. When I got home for summer, she could walk with a cane, and by June she could hold things with her bad side. Her hair had fallen out, and it was scary to see her looking so terrible, but she was getting better, and she was happy. By the fall she was taking a class at the university.
Around New Year's, the tumor got worse again. She flew back down to Seattle, and they did radiation, and I didn't hear anything until about a week ago. Her sister, my friend Christina, said that she was probably pretty close to going. Carrie's old boyfriend from college came up and sang her songs, and her family was around her, and last night she died.
I know that she was comfortable and loved and it went quickly when it started, and I know that Carrie's in heaven. Even if I'm not sure I believe in heaven, I know Carrie's there. But I still hate it. It doesn't help that she was happy. She's still gone forever. She was so good, and now she's gone, and I hate it.