I think I forgot to mention, I really love it here. Even though I'm not sure it's my home anymore, I still feel a familiar comfort just reading the street signs, and I know that somehow I'll always be able to come back.
I went with my family to a conveyor belt sushi place this evening, and while the sushi wasn't overwhelmingly spectacular, the conveyor belt was quite exciting. More importantly, it was great to spend time with Mom and Mom's New(ish) Man and Auntie M and Auntie K before I leave. We went in search of the perfect ice cream, and then played Take Two, with which I am rapidly becoming obsessed. And spending my last night with my friends in our favorite divey diner really was the best end to this trip I can imagine.
I feel like when I go back I should throw away everything I own and dye my hair purple. But in reality it will be more like just one box of stuff and more of a medium brunette. I'm ok with that.
mercredi, août 31, 2005
mardi, août 30, 2005
Alaska and ambivalence
(the shift key on my mother's computer is working only sporadically, so bear with me.)
I'm in Alaska in my mother's house, which is strange and nice. i'm only up for an extended weekend before school starts, but i'm glad i got to come for at least a few days.
There's an oddness i notice more strongly each time I visit. i think it's the fact that I'm visiting a place that i used to call home. I've always known that everyone has to come to terms with their own sense of self, but knowing in the abstract is very different from actually attempting the journey. it's an ongoing process. i moved the last of my stuff into boxes and out of my old room. the thing that actually made me cry was glancing through old photos and seeing the faces of friends who've died in the past few years, but really the packing itself was just emotionally draining overall. my room is not my room anymore. in two days even the room in which i'm currently perched will belong to somebody else. it's a big thing.
it seems like not much changes each time i come back, except that sometimes more people are dead, but at the same time the landscape is actually quite different. my mom's house has been remodeled, the streets have changed, there are starbucks on several corners. i don't know what's going on in local politics, i've lost track of my friends. i'm not sure what exactly I want my relationship to be with this town. i suppose that once i decide that, it will be easier to spend time here.
on a more positive (or at least, less confused) note, i finally met Crosby's boy today. he is nice. i spent the evening with her family, who are my favorite family-that-is-not-mine in the world, and we ate chicken and cornbread and i kicked ass at Take two, which i am totally bringing back to Olympia, by the way, and we laughed really hard and I held on to crosby really tight and this shift key is really pissing me off but more importantly I love that family a whole lot. little sister and and middle sister are so big and that is scary and crosby's mom and dad are just the same which is comforting and I really like her boy. i was afraid it would be weird because I am very protective of my Crosby because I love her more than anything in the universe, but he is quiet and goofy and nice and I approve. i wouldn't mind staying in anchorage for a long time if every night was like tonight, with Little sister making everything into three times as many syllables as it needs to be and Middle Sister screeching and father-of-crosby muttering things under his breath and everyone laughing till we can't breathe. I missed it. It was good to have that back.
I'm in Alaska in my mother's house, which is strange and nice. i'm only up for an extended weekend before school starts, but i'm glad i got to come for at least a few days.
There's an oddness i notice more strongly each time I visit. i think it's the fact that I'm visiting a place that i used to call home. I've always known that everyone has to come to terms with their own sense of self, but knowing in the abstract is very different from actually attempting the journey. it's an ongoing process. i moved the last of my stuff into boxes and out of my old room. the thing that actually made me cry was glancing through old photos and seeing the faces of friends who've died in the past few years, but really the packing itself was just emotionally draining overall. my room is not my room anymore. in two days even the room in which i'm currently perched will belong to somebody else. it's a big thing.
it seems like not much changes each time i come back, except that sometimes more people are dead, but at the same time the landscape is actually quite different. my mom's house has been remodeled, the streets have changed, there are starbucks on several corners. i don't know what's going on in local politics, i've lost track of my friends. i'm not sure what exactly I want my relationship to be with this town. i suppose that once i decide that, it will be easier to spend time here.
on a more positive (or at least, less confused) note, i finally met Crosby's boy today. he is nice. i spent the evening with her family, who are my favorite family-that-is-not-mine in the world, and we ate chicken and cornbread and i kicked ass at Take two, which i am totally bringing back to Olympia, by the way, and we laughed really hard and I held on to crosby really tight and this shift key is really pissing me off but more importantly I love that family a whole lot. little sister and and middle sister are so big and that is scary and crosby's mom and dad are just the same which is comforting and I really like her boy. i was afraid it would be weird because I am very protective of my Crosby because I love her more than anything in the universe, but he is quiet and goofy and nice and I approve. i wouldn't mind staying in anchorage for a long time if every night was like tonight, with Little sister making everything into three times as many syllables as it needs to be and Middle Sister screeching and father-of-crosby muttering things under his breath and everyone laughing till we can't breathe. I missed it. It was good to have that back.
lundi, août 22, 2005
Babies and belated blogs
Wow, it's been a long time.
This summer I've been living at my father's house with him, my stepmom, and my brand-new brother (born on the 4th of July!), whom for the purposes of this blog I will be calling Beanbag. He's amazingly amazing and I am completely in love. He was born with a congenital cateract, and had to have surgery when he was just a month old, but since they removed his lens and gave him a contact, he's been just fine.
When last I wrote, I was planning to be a Resident Assistant at my college, but since then I've changed my mind and decided to instead live with Seven, one of my roommates from Spring Quarter in an apartment right next to campus. I will either be taking some time off from school and working bar in my dad's restaurant, or else I will be the Video Intern at the Electronic Media Department. I'm turning in my application tomorrow, so we shall see what we shall see.
Life hasn't been too terribly exciting, except for the baby stuff. Mostly I've just been reading a bunch of comics and playing a fair amount of Scrabble. Soon I'll be working behind the scenes on a short film that a friend of mine is producing, and moving into the new apartment, so those things should provide enough excitement to last me at least the month of September. I can't wait to have a kitchen that is all my own. Well, mine and Seven's, anyway. But he doesn't bake anything, so the oven is basically mine. Oh man, I can't wait to decorate! Domesticity is my weak point.
What else... I've been watching Undeclared since it came out on DVD last week, because I've been in love with that show since it was first aired. You should all go out and watch it, because it's great. I'm rereading Cryptonomicon for the sixth time- also highly recommended. I think the last time I read it was when I created this blog, hence the subtitle.
Also, this summer I'm taking an animation class, and my group is almost done with our final project, a 1:30 promo for a local film festival. I think it's going to turn out fairly well. Maybe I'll post it when it's completed.
This summer I've been living at my father's house with him, my stepmom, and my brand-new brother (born on the 4th of July!), whom for the purposes of this blog I will be calling Beanbag. He's amazingly amazing and I am completely in love. He was born with a congenital cateract, and had to have surgery when he was just a month old, but since they removed his lens and gave him a contact, he's been just fine.
When last I wrote, I was planning to be a Resident Assistant at my college, but since then I've changed my mind and decided to instead live with Seven, one of my roommates from Spring Quarter in an apartment right next to campus. I will either be taking some time off from school and working bar in my dad's restaurant, or else I will be the Video Intern at the Electronic Media Department. I'm turning in my application tomorrow, so we shall see what we shall see.
Life hasn't been too terribly exciting, except for the baby stuff. Mostly I've just been reading a bunch of comics and playing a fair amount of Scrabble. Soon I'll be working behind the scenes on a short film that a friend of mine is producing, and moving into the new apartment, so those things should provide enough excitement to last me at least the month of September. I can't wait to have a kitchen that is all my own. Well, mine and Seven's, anyway. But he doesn't bake anything, so the oven is basically mine. Oh man, I can't wait to decorate! Domesticity is my weak point.
What else... I've been watching Undeclared since it came out on DVD last week, because I've been in love with that show since it was first aired. You should all go out and watch it, because it's great. I'm rereading Cryptonomicon for the sixth time- also highly recommended. I think the last time I read it was when I created this blog, hence the subtitle.
Also, this summer I'm taking an animation class, and my group is almost done with our final project, a 1:30 promo for a local film festival. I think it's going to turn out fairly well. Maybe I'll post it when it's completed.
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