So the other day I stumbled upon the official website of the The World Beard & Moustache Championships, which in two years will be held in my hometown. Reeling with delight, I promptly told everyone I know about how hilarious and great it is. Today I talked to my coworker for like ten minutes straight about this nonexistent beard competition documentary I'll never make. He kept being like "Wow, you're... really excited about this...(?)" Basically here's what I want to know:

- I want to know what their significant others (and children?) feel about this. Are they like, Into Beards into beards? Does Mrs. Schmidbauer just chuckle goodnaturedly and say, "Oh that Gerhart. He sure does love that thing on his face." Do these wives(/husbands? are these guys fascist manly men who frown upon the love that dare not blah blah?) travel with their men to these competitions? What do Beard Wives talk about while their men are, uh, competing?

- Do they generally stick with one style and perfect it, or do they experiment with new and different styles each time? Do they ever get sick of the maintenance and shave it all off? Do they look down on men who give up the bearded lifestyle? One of the coordinators of the last World Championship did not have a beard in his headshot. Did he have to wear a fake beard when he was at the competition, like how fancy restaurants will loan you a jacket and tie?

- Are there bitter rivalries between competitors? Do they ever steal each others' looks? Do they play hilarious camp-style pranks on each other? Bleach in the pomade? NAIR?!

- Are they required to wear ridiculous hats, or is that just a bonus? Do they realize how funny they look? Do they have a sense of humor about it? If somebody says "You look kind of like The Lorax," do they take offense?

These questions must be answered!!!